


All I Want Is You

by ColdFront



Category: Heart of the Woods (Visual Novel)
Genre: Angst, F/F, Kissing, Pining, Unhealthy Relationships, off-screen sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-03
Updated: 2021-01-03
Packaged: 2021-03-13 02:15:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,253
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28520751
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ColdFront/pseuds/ColdFront
Summary: The first night in Eysenfeld, Maddie broods over her real reasons for leaving Taranormal.
Relationships: Maddie Raines/Tara Bryck
Kudos: 3





	All I Want Is You

**Author's Note:**

> Some light Maddie/Tara angst for your reading pleasure.
> 
> This is canon-compliant "ish" - it requires a slightly unconventional reading of Maddie's relationship with Tara but I don't think it outright contradicts the VN at any point.

_How the hell did we get here?_

It's not the first time Maddie has asked herself that question, but it doesn't usually have the same bitter edge to it. Last time it was while bailing Tara out of jail for trespassing. The time before that was when she broke up with Tara after a twenty-three day rollercoaster of a relationship. No matter what had happened, though, Maddie had always known they'd still be friends. They'd fight and make up, but in the end, Maddie knew she'd always be the most important person to Tara - and there wasn't even any question about who the center of Maddie's world was.

_I'm such an idiot._

The darkness around her is almost oppressive, and every gust of wind or creak of the house's frame sets her on edge. Morgan left twenty minutes ago and Maddie still can't seem to calm down. She wonders if Tara's asleep yet. Probably is - she can sleep anywhere. Maddie envies that. She knows it'll still be hell to wake Tara up in the morning, though.

_How can I possibly fix this?_

Telling her right before this trip was stupid. Maddie knows that now. Things suck, and hurt like hell, and she can't ever tell Tara why - but she's always taken care of her, and owed her more than a bombshell like that. There's just a thin wall between their rooms, but it feels like an overwhelming barrier - invisible, but no less impermeable - has been built between them. She should have talked to Tara on the train or something. They had twelve fucking hours. Maddie hates herself a little for not taking that time to fix it - but she doesn't even know how. She rolls onto her side, and flips the pillow to the other side.

_This isn't working._

Maddie swears under her breath and pulls herself out of the blankets. Even with the heaters on, the house is drafty, and she's pretty sure some of the cold she feels has nothing to do with the actual temperature. She turns on a light, praying she's not waking Tara up, and hunts through the cabinets until she finds some tea. For a moment, she lets herself stop thinking, and just concentrates on the familiar motions of making the hot drink. She's always had a habit of fleeing into routines before, when she could - searching for some familiarity in the whirlwind of Taranormal and the chaotic girl at its center.

"What are you doing up?" Maddie wheels around at the unexpected voice, coming face to face with that particular chaotic girl in the flesh.

"Oh God, Tara, I hope I didn't wake you," Maddie says. Tara looks as tired as Maddie feels but is still beautiful, even in the dim light of the kitchen.

"Nah. I was just gonna get some water." Tara squints, looking for glasses on the shelf, and grabs one at random. "Morgan seems pretty amazing. I can't wait to see that talking cat she was talking about."

"Tara, do you really think-" Maddie says, then cuts off the bitchy sentence before it can get nasty. She knows that there will either be no cat or it will miraculously fail to talk, but she doesn't need to fight over it with Tara tonight, especially with how much she loves seeing her friend get excited about a new lead or a new theory. Instead she changes the subject. "Hey, remember the episode we did on the Ozark Howler?"

"Bear cub with mange. Yeah." She grimaces, then brightens up. "But we found those weird tracks, remember? So it could still be out there!"

Maddie smiles in spite of herself, and for a moment it seems like the wall between them has cracked a little. She realizes that her tea has been steeping for almost ten minutes, and hastily pulls the tea-bag out. She tries a sip - bitter, but sometimes she likes it that way.

"Maddie." Tara's voice has an unexpected intensity in it, and she looks at Maddie with an unexpected intensity. "Why are you really not wanting to do Taranormal anymore? It's always been fun, right?" There's just a hint of pleading at the end, and Maddie pulls back instinctively.

"I, uh, you know, I need my own life and stuff..." Maddie stammers. _Being around you hurts._

"... and you know I'll always be here for you..." _But not in the way I need._

"It's not like I don't care about you. Some things just need to change." _Because I can't stop needing you, wanting you, and it's eating me alive._

Tara just looks baffled. And also tired. Mostly tired. "I thought... maybe it was because of our history or something," she says softly, contemplatively. "It was only a few days, though..."

Maddie manages to avoid spitting tea all over the kitchen as her heart catches in her throat. "N-no! I don't know why you'd think that. I care about you, you know that, I've just given up a lot of things for you!" she says, and then she feels the touch of Tara's hand on her own and it all starts seeming like a moot point.

"I always cared about you, Maddie," she whispers, and Maddie feels a wave of lust/need/desperation hitting her an instant later. Tara's face is so close to hers and she can't stop remembering the feeling of her friend's lips on hers, years ago. "I'm sorry about before," Tara continues, and it's all Maddie needs to hear. She embraces her friend, and Tara's lips find hers. A little warning voice at the back of Maddie's mind reminds her that this is a bad idea, and that she should just stop and handle it like an adult and have a talk about their different paths in life - but the rest of her brain is focusing on the fact that Tara is taking her top off and oh _God_ she missed those breasts, and maybe she can really work things with Tara out this time-

Maybe things can finally go right for once.

* * *

Thirty minutes later she's in a crumpled (and very naked) heap on the couch. Tara's cuddled up awkwardly against her, looking as lovely as ever despite having a combination of train-for-twelve-hours hair, bed hair, and sex hair. The afterglow is peaceful, and Maddie feels like the whole situation is weirdly romantic - the forest outside lit by a sliver of moonlight, the isolated cabin, the two of them together on another adventure to nowhere. She didn't really want to come here, but can't exactly complain under the circumstances.

"That was really fun, Mads," Tara says sleepily, but then draws away and sits up. "But like... this doesn't really change anything. Commitment's not my thing. You know that as well as anybody." Maddie jerks out of her happy reverie, and the whole situation - the memories, the wanting, the loneliness - comes back to her in a split second. A look of panic comes over Tara's face. "You know I didn't mean it like that. I just meant... you know I've been with a lot of girls..."

"Uh-huh." Maddie's already putting her panties back on. _I can't believe I let this happen again. I had a chance to really talk to her, and all I wanted to do was fuck._ "Good night, Tara. We need to be ready to go by 8." She walks into the bedroom and closes the door firmly behind her without looking back. The empty bed awaits, and she can't afford to let it bother her.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
> 
> My headcanon is that Maddie's previous relationship with Tara fell apart due to Maddie finding Tara with another girl. Tara dismissed it (and her relationship with Maddie) as no big deal, and Maddie never quite got over any of it. I realize I'm inflicting unnecessary angst on something sweet and wholesome, but there it is.


End file.
